One day I would like to see shamans, healers, and the like offices. Mainstream. Not having to go to school to get a degree to see patients, but the school of life and experience and shamanistic /healing specific trials and tribulations. I want this so Bad words can not explain. In my dream world (that I hope to be our future) I would work there to help others just as a doctor would if you came in with a sore neck, injury or whatnot; but it would be more about the mind body soul balance then putting a bandaid over a bullet hole. As I write this I know there are many people trying to make this a reality, not nessicarly the mainstream part, but laying the building blocks for that future. I know I want to be a part of that “endgame”, just thinking outloud, I know I’m still on the path to get there myself, still lots to learn, lots to experience, and lots to remember and understand.
I’ve recently been wondering why I am where I am, and looking back now it makes more sense then it has in the past. I am content, working to the next step in my own process that makes as much sense to me now then it did in the dark, but I feel it, I know it’s right. Not specifically what lays on the path before me, but I know it’s something significant that I need to progress. A piece of the puzzle I’m looking for, one of the edges to help me find the next. Ultimately I’m not entirely sure we will ever complete the puzzle, but I think that’s the point. I’m further then when I started, and tomorrow I will be further then today…and I know I’m not the only one 🙂
Works in progress 🙂
A friend asked me what advice I would give myself back when I wrote these poems. Applies to me still, what a great idea 🙂 Thanks O!
To teenage me:
I know right now it seems like the world is such a dark place. It will get better, I promise. Things happen in the universe beyond what you can see, you are not crazy, there IS more going on. Your not alone, your never alone. You are strong, try to find the positive and silver lining in everything. When things fall to shit, its making way for something amazing. Things might have to fall to shit more then once, but it will be more then worth it, be patient and learn what you can a long the way. You have a unique skillset all your own, figure it out in your spare time, fine tune it. There’s a job waiting for you that only you can do. While you wait for it to open up see what you can do on your own. You can do this (life). Its for a reason, not pointless, promise. You will see the big picture in due time. Take care of youself.
Why oh why did it have to be you?
Why were you the one to choose?
My heart aches in pain
Why can’t we be together? Be the same?
Anything bad that happens to you should happen to me
Your undeserving of the pain, why cant you see?
All the pain you can give I can take
As long as I’m with you I will not ache.
Choosing who belongs
Choosing who is right
Path of which to pick
Life is such a fucking dick
All the world wants to do it hate
Filled with babies born and rape
Born into a world of shit
Why oh why a world like this?
-What to choose-
Somedays I’m fine
Some days I’m not
Some days I wish that it would all stop
I’d miss many people, but they wouldn’t miss me
Sometimes I wish that they would all see
It hurts me so much with the things that they say
I hope the’ll finally see one day
Sometimes I want to crawl and hide
Sometimes I wish I’d already died
I’m so ready to run away from it all
Cut, shoot, or even choke on a ball
Does anyone out there even care?
The pleasant thought of me must be rare.
You love me you hate me
will you make up your mind?
You hug me, your hit me
will this change over time?
I hate it when you get like this
If I leave will there be anything to miss?
Sometimes I wonder how it would be
If I never met you, and you never met me.
I want to run away
far far away today
In some places I never want to turn back
Yet others I do, it is a fact.
Everyone hurts me so badly here.
Some I hope will never come near.
I’m always crying on the inside
The tears are coming down and down.
Will anyone come around?
They comment on me
Do they not think I see?
I see! I see it all!